Bad news...

I hate to tell you this...but you're going to be seeing less of me here in blogland (and Facebook too, I'm sure). 

BECAUSE I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!

*happy dance*

Can you believe it?? Just last Friday I hadn't even thought of applying anywhere, and here I am one week later, completely employed! *haha* When it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

The "2nd Interview" really wasn't an interview at all. Some of you had already guessed it, they were just having me come back to offer me the job. Ann (the vet tech) showed me around the hospital, back in the surgery room and boarding area and all that. Then Becky (the office manager) talked to me about the front lobby area. Before long I noticed she was using phrases like, "This is your domain" and "you will be responsible for" instead of "you would..." I started to think, "Wait! So I've got the job?"

Eventually Dr. Olson (the vet) sat down with me in his office and asked if I had anymore questions, told me the starting wage and offered me the job. I said absolutely YES.  It was so funny, Becky then pulled out this little training binder and it already had my name on the front of it. She said, "Well lookie here! We just happen to have this training manual with YOUR NAME on it!" Dr. Olson said, "Yeah! What are the odds that the last gal in this position had the same name? What a coincidence!" *wink wink* They're just the nicest people. I already feel comfortable joking around with them.  

Becky is going to be training me "for as long as it takes." She said she wanted to make sure I feel absolutely comfortable with everything before I'd ever be "on my own." That makes me soooo happy. *haha* There's a lot of new information to absorb and I'm just thrilled to know that there isn't any pressure on me to figure everything out all by myself within a set time limit. It's really the perfect setup for me.

You know, as I was driving home I reflected a little bit about these past 5 months. It's been a difficult period for me, starting out feeling so betrayed and dumped on my head. But I decided early on that it had happened for a reason...that God had moved me from my comfort zone and was ready to grow me and stretch me in new ways. Well, as always happens when He takes any amount of time to do something, I started to doubt. I began feeling useless, wondering if I'd ever find a place where I felt like I fit so well again. I spent so much time in prayer about it...crying out to God, asking Him WHY He shook up my world, only to leave me sitting here all this time. It was one thing to have the floor knocked out from under me for a reason. But just being "unemployed" didn't seem like a very good lesson.

Then I moved into "what the heck, I'll just settle," and started to apply for jobs I really didn't care about. I even applied for a job as the person that balances the stock between Red Box machines at McDonald's. (How exciting would THAT job have been? *haha*) "It's better than nothing," I thought. But really, I think I was losing faith that there was anything better coming. Then I would get angry when those jobs never worked out. Now looking back, I know God had something better in store for me. 

And now here it is: the whole package I've been praying for the whole time, the "impossible dream," so to speak, dropped right in my lap. Evenings and Sundays off, warm, friendly coworkers with the same values I hold dear, the opportunity to be around animals, a non-intimidating atmosphere in which to learn new skills and better pay than what I would have made starting at any retail job. Even when I think of how applying for it came about, I can see God's hand. I saw the other reception positions online over the weekend so I began tweaking my resume to show that I had the right qualifications for a clerical job. Those other jobs clearly didn't work out (either I haven't heard back from them or they gave me evil math tests *haha*) but then on Tuesday the ad for this job showed up and, well what do ya know? I already had a resume prepared for it! Just like that! Truly a blessing, in every way I look at it. God is good. :)

Journey Back to the Land of the Living

It occurred to me as I began to type this that some of you might not know my dirty little secret: I'm unemployed. Although it might have already been obvious, since I clearly have unlimited amounts of time to blog and workout and blog about working out. *haha* Yeah, I've been jobless for 5 months now. (If you would like to revisit the drama of WHY, be my guest. Oh and, this one too. I'm not gonna hash it all out again because it's really not necessary. My thoughts on the matter are already embedded in the skin of the internet! And in the words of a Kelly Clarkson song I listened to today, "it's been a long time since those hands I left my tears in." It's time to move on!) 

So it's not been the best time to be job hunting, y'know? I probably haven't pounded the pavement as much as I could have, but I've applied for quite a few jobs and either they weren't hiring...or they weren't hiring ME. Jeremy's been very patient with me as I've been very picky. I didn't wanna work here, there or the other place. Basically I wanted to love whatever I was working with as much as I'd loved the merchandise (and people) I had been around at my old job. And it just didn't seem like it was going to happen. I'd almost resigned to just being a hermit and placing some ads on my blog to earn extra money.

Well over the weekend, a bunch of new job listings popped up over the internet for receptionist positions. I figured, what the heck? I could do that. I'm an excellent typist, have good people skills and I can answer a phone. *haha* (I know there's more to it, I'm just bein' silly.)  So I got "creative" with my resume (which took FOREVER! I hate resume writing! It makes my head spin to speak in incomplete, self-congratulating sentences.) and applied for several online. 

Thus starts my crazy day. I got a call from the optometrist office I'd applied to, asking if I would come in and fill out their application. I agreed, but said it would be later in the afternoon because FIRST I needed to: bring my resume to a vet clinic that didn't offer the "apply online" option, and take Wrigley & Cubby to their own vet for shots. 

The vet clinic I applied at is further East, but not as far as I where I was working before so no biggie. When I got there, they had me fill out THEIR application (seriously, what's with all the personalized applications? All this information is right here on my pretty, organized resume, shouldn't that be good enough?) The woman I talked to was very nice and after going over my app, she asked me if I could come back at 3:30 to talk to the veterinarian. I figured I had plenty of time, so I agreed. 

By the time I got back home, it was time to load the boys up and get them to OUR vet. (Hope you're not getting to confused with all these different vets! *haha*) Their checkup went well, Wrigley's down about a pound which is good. Geez, though, it was expensive. Our most costly visit yet, and I still can't figure out why. I guess because they were due for everything at once, but still!

So then I came home, ate a really quick lunch and headed to the optometrist office. It was a little after 2:15 and I figured I'd have plenty of time to fill out their app and still get to my interview by 3:30. PLENTY of time, right? Well I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The gal behind the counter handed me the clipboard and I took a seat. The first part was pretty standard, all the normal application hoopla. But then I flipped to the next page...and it was a personality test. A little weird but I can see why it might come in handy. So ok, I filled that out too. 

Then I flipped to the last page and...*gasp* Someone might as well have shot me through my chest. It was a MATH TEST!!!! Let it be known, there are two things that I hate more than anything in this world. Namely: Math and Tests. Put the two together and I go completely bonkers. I started to sweat...I felt my heart begin to race...I immediately forgot everything I ever knew about even the most basic of math. (Although, some of this wasn't so basic. It's been like 9 years since I'd seen some of this stuff! Give me a break!) And all this IN PEN with no calculator or scratch paper. Before long I made the mistake of looking at my watch: it was 3:00!! I only had half an hour to get myself across town to my interview. This induced even greater panic. I know I must have given some really screwy answers on that math test. I was embarrassed to even turn it in.

But when I did, the girl says, "Ok great, just one more thing I need you to do. Come back here and I'll start you on the typing test." TYPING TEST? I wanted to scream, "Lady, I don't have TIME for this! And you're wasting both of our time, anyway, just look at the math portion of my application!" But I politely sat down. Um, it didn't go well. Not only had I forgotten my math, I also forgot how to type. This is tragic, because I'm a darn fast typist. It's one of the few "skillz" I feel confident in. But I was having to type a bunch of medical terms and codes that I didn't understand or know how to spell, so I spent half my time rechecking the words. And she was sitting there timing me, making me extra nervous. AND (could I possibly have any more excuses? Pathetic!) I'm so used to my laptop now that I kept reaching downward to "scroll" with my fingers instead of reaching up for the mouse. I've been crippled for the "real world." *haha*

When I left I was NOT feeling very confident in myself. Satan was playing quite a game with me as I drove across town for my interview, filling my head with all sorts of lies. "You're pathetic. Why are you even bothering with this? No one's gonna want to hire you. You have NO SKILLS! You worked at the same job for so long that you became completely useless to the rest of the world. All you know how to do is ring up scrapbook supplies. It's irrelevant. You're unemployable. You might as well turn this car around and forget the interview." Pretty bad, I know. 

But luckily I didn't have to "take it sittin' down." I escorted his lies right out of my consciousness with some much needed prayer. "Lord, I know I'm not great at everything, but you've made me valuable. You didn't waste Your time creating me...You've given me talents and traits that are unique to only me. I have a lot to offer those around me, especially because I have You beside me and Your strength to lean on. I don't have to be nervous about this interview because I'm not going in there alone. Speak through me! And if this isn't the right place for me, I'll accept that. And I'll wait for the perfect match that I know You'll provide." And with that I went inside.

The interview COULD NOT have gone any better. The staff was extremely friendly, just as the woman I'd met that afternoon had been. And when the vet interviewed me, I felt completely at ease. In fact, I felt more comfortable with him INSTANTANEOUSLY than I ever had with my former employers. He was very down to earth and didn't seem like he was looking down at me or trying to intimidate me. He was easy to talk to. He asked me about my application where I'd asked for Sundays off (before I realized that they were closed on Sundays) and I told him it was because I go to church. He told me that I would fit right in because he and most of the staff are Christians and that he wants those principals to be conveyed in the way they treat customers and each other. What a refreshing thought! A boss that doesn't scream and scold you in front of customers? 

So they're conducting interviews for the rest of this week and will make a decision next week. I won't lie, I kind of hoped they'd offer me a contract right then and there, saying "Hallelujah, you're the one!!!" But it's OK. I need to take the time to pray about it...as I hope they do also. I really do feel like this would be a good fit for me, though. But if not, at least this got me moving in the right direction....back into the land of the living! :)

Breaking up isn't THAT hard to do....

I am back from an involuntary Internet hiatus imposed on me by the tree trimmers who knocked a limb on our cable line early Tuesday afternoon. Could the timing have been any worse on that? Geez. Here I am with some *ahem* extra time on my hands and NO INTERNET or CABLE! I think the extent of my addiction can be best summed up by the warm fuzzy feeling I felt when I was finally able to log on this morning. Pretty sad when seeing the Facebook.com homepage gives me the same feeling as a bubble bath or a litter of puppies. *hahaha*

I was cleaning my house yesterday afternoon (probably, no, definitely because I had no TV or computer privileges...I guess something good came from the lack thereof) and put on some music to be-bop around to. I chose the fabulous miss Kelly Clarkson because I hadn't listened to her in a while. (She is THE American Idol, I hope you all realize this.) I put my iPOD on random shuffle through all of her cd's and was really enjoying myself. She's got some great songs...and I never realized till then how many BREAK-UP songs she has. I also never realized how fulfilling break-songs can be.

Did you know that "break-up" songs can apply themselves to other areas of life? Say, a career change, for example? I was just dusting away, singing along, then all of the sudden, BAM! It hit me! These lyrics are incredibly fitting!!! I have to share. This first song is called "Low."



Everybody's talkin'
But they don't say a thing
They look at me with "sad eyes"
But I don't want their sympathy

It's cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
But why'd you have to go and make a mess like that?
I just have to say before I let go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
Cause what you did was low

No I don't want your number
There's nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting
I've gotta go

(repeat chorus)

I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can't say that
This to show
For all the time I loved you so


I know it was probably written to some jerky boyfriend but WOW. I was belting it out right along side her. (But obviously not as well as she does.) I've always liked the song, but now I GET the song. *haha*

Then a little while later "Breakaway" came on. Again, a song I've always liked but suddenly it has a whole new meaning. I think it's my theme song right now. :)



Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
Now, make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
and breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Far away
And breakaway

(repeat chorus)

Buildings with 100 floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep movin' on, movin' on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

It's so important for me to look at things from this angle. I DID "take a risk, take a chance and make a change." Yes initially it was forced on me *haha*. But eventually I came to that fork in the road where I had to choose what I was going to do. Stepping out from a place I've been for so long is extremely frightening. But it was time.

My last day in the Garden

I am officially unemployed. I worked through the day yesterday and by 5:45 I had mustered up the courage (with the help of many, many solicited prayers and text messages from friends and family) to tell them I was leaving...for good.

I had rehearsed what I wanted to say over and over and over in my head. When the time came to actually say it, words didn't come out exactly as I'd planned. But it did the job and now I'm moving on. There was no fanfare, no tears, no "Oh you'll be so missed!!!" And I'm cool with that. It just reaffirms my decision. I know I've done the right thing for me.

Why didn't I stay and finish out the week? There are many reasons. I couldn't shake the feeling of being used. "Help us pack up your livelihood and then we're through with you," is what it felt like. It was also too emotionally draining to walk in there and join everyone in the "everything is hunk-dory, business as usual, lad-ti-da" attitudes that they had. No one seemed to want to acknowledge that this was an unimaginably difficult time for us. Not all of us were leaving this situation with a job. Things are changed...forever.

And in the end, I just couldn't stand by and watch my fellow employees be treated so callously and unprofessionally. I don't like confrontation, so for myself to become a doormat wouldn't be a surprise to anyone. But when people I care about are thrown under the bus with no notice at all and expected to take it like a champ...that doesn't set well. I won't go into details because I'm sure Mary will want to on her new blog (YAY! Something good DID come out of this! *haha*), but basically she wasn't given the final week of employment we were all promised on Thursday night when the curtain fell. And the reason they gave her was completely bogus. I decided that staying around as if nothing was wrong was condoning their behavior and I couldn't have a part in that.

So after SEVEN, count em', SEVEN years (1,2,3,4,5,6,7...sorry, couldn't resist) I have left Scrapbook Garden. It wasn't an easy decision...and I probably wouldn't have ever done it on my own. I was comfortable there. It was what I knew. It was easy. But as I've told my hurting coworkers, it was no Holy Grail of jobs. It wasn't perfect. Yes, we liked the people we worked with, sure, but there's no reason we can't continue to be friends and get together! We can enjoy each others' company without boundaries of work. Yes, we love scrapbook supplies, but what's going to stop us from continuously surrounding ourselves with those? We all practically have our own stores in our scrap-rooms anyway. *hehe*

This is a chance for all of us to find something better. To break out of the shell we were in and discover what God has in store. I know it's hard and when it really sets in I'll probably be freaking out, but at this very moment I'm breathing a sigh of relief. I feel that the burden I was carrying since Thursday night has been released and now I can set my eyes on the future!!!

Here's a shout-out for my girls from the East store!!! I love each of you...you're fabulous women. I REFUSE to lose touch with you! Let's never settle for "ok" again. We deserve to be appreciated and treated with respect. I pray that each of you will find a place of employment that TRULY values the amazing qualities you have to offer.

Mat 10:14 And whoever will not receive you, nor will hear your words, having gone out of that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet.



It's not the end

But it feels like it is

I'm waking up

Like I'm back from the dead

I'm steppin' out

And I feel so afraid

But as long as I'm movin' it's all right

I feel alive

And it hurts for a change

No lookin' back

It's hard to believe

That I was cool

With the days that were wasted

Complacent and tasteless and bored

But that was yesterday!

We're never going back to "ok"

We're never going back to "easy"

We're never going back to the way it was

We're never going back to "ok"

Emptiness

I had a very cheerful, happy post regarding our Branson mini-vacation all set and ready to post once I added pictures, but alas, something has come up that I feel I need to address more urgently. If a blog is to reflect my personal life, then something VERY personal has come up that cannot be ignored.

On Thursday evening, my coworkers and I were given the news that our store, Scrapbook Garden East, was closing. Not in the near future, not in the next week or so, but immediately. And permanently. It completely blindsided us all. Not only didn't we see it coming, but the way the news was revealed to us was quite surreal. All of us were left numb, wondering, "Did we dream this?"

We were informed that our help would be "appreciated" in the packing and moving of all merchandise to the West store, which is remaining open. We will be employed through the 10th, then that's it. They did say that some people may transfer to the West store, as their needs permit, but seeing as it's a well-staffed store to begin with, the available hours aren't plentiful.

So Thursday morning I went to work, not a care in the world, no idea anything unusual was on the horizon. Then this morning, I went in and began to pack up all of the merchandise I've been arranging, straightening and selling for all this time. It was incredibly bizarre and pretty emotional.

I am not pleased with the way any of this has been handled. I believe that my coworkers and I (especially my co-manager) deserved a little more than the notice we were given. (In case you're not following, any notice at all would have been more than what we were given.) The shock and despair could have been eased into a little more gradually. I would have also liked to have had the opportunity to say goodbye to the customers I've formed friendships with over the many years I've been employed at Scrapbook Garden. I'm sure they would have liked the same consideration.

I've had trouble managing my attitude since the news was given. Anger, frustration, bitterness, disgust, spite...all of these emotions have been overwhelming. I'm also experiencing sincere sorrow and pain because I have put in a great deal of years into this store. I don't know where to go from here or what I will do. It's a frightening position to find oneself in, especially for someone that suffers from a fear of change, as I do.

But I have found amazing comfort in my Savior's arms. It is amidst the darkness that light appears it's brightest. I've been having conversations with Him about this entire situation and while I know He feels my hurt because He loves me, I also feel His guiding hand, encouraging me to move beyond my immediate feelings and look to the horizon.

My Mom has been the most amazing support and encourager. (I love you mom!!!) Her immediate reaction when I called last night was to pray with me, as it always is whenever we face a crisis. She prayed powerfully while I sat on the other end of the phone crying. Her strength and faith is contagious. Then I can't even begin to list the verses and quotes she has been typing on my Facebook page, all day and all night. I do want to share one thing, however, that I found particularly uplifting. It includes one of mine and Jeremy's favorite verses.

These storms actually become occassions to cast ourselves upon God. We are NOT TO GIVE UP but to GIVE IT UP, casting our cares upon Him who is and who remains the same yesterday, today, and forever....Jer29:11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord"...

I've also been meditating on a story from 2 Kings (that we talked about in my Tuesday night Bible study) about a woman facing a far worse situation than I. She had just lost her husband and because she was so in debt to her creditors, they were about to exercise their legal right to take her sons as slaves as a form of payment. She approached the prophet Elisha, asking that he work a miracle to save her sons. He asked her what she had in her house. Nothing, except a single flask of oil. Elisha responded, "Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors. Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting the jars aside as they are filled." (2 Kings 4:3-4) So she followed his instructions, and every single jar they gathered was filled to the brim! As soon as all the jars were filled, the oil stopped flowing. She was able to sell the oil, pay off her debts and take care of her family without further help from those greedy creditors.
What stuck out to me most in this story was that the oil stopped flowing as soon as the family ran out of empty jars. As our book put it, "Indeed, the more of our own emptiness we present to God in faith, the more He is able to pour into us from His abundance!" (from "Completely His" by Shannon Ethridge)

Well Lord, I'm feeling pretty empty. In fact, more empty than I've felt in a really long time. And I'm presenting that emptiness to You, knowing that You know how to fill it a lot better than I do. I don't know where to look for a job or how to handle the remaining time I have with Scrapbook Garden. But I'm counting on You to get me through.